Dear Single women of Nairobi, it’s not them, it’s you

Dear Single women of Nairobi, it's not them, it's you
Couple on a date

I am going to be honest. The Nairobi dating scene for the most part, is a horror movie. There is too much sex going on with no real relationships in between.

I simply cannot stand it.

And while I have friends in the Nairobi dating scene who have nightmarish stories that can only be out of a Nollywood film, I cannot shake the belief that it is the woman’s fault that she is single and unhappy.

Perhaps it is the soap operas, the romance books or the Hollywood happy ending tales that make the single woman in the city act like a fool.

Or perhaps, like someone once told me, I am too logical for love.

There is the woman who goes to the club to find a man and ends up being ‘chips fungwad’.  That woman either becomes a ‘booty call’, or just repeats the cycle and ends up catching some embarrassing disease.

There is another who stays in an abusive relationship because “nobody else can love her better.”

Then there is the serial dater who does not care the type of man she dates as long as she has a man.

Not to forget the hopeless romantic looking for her Prince or the woman who expects a proposal on the first date. Sigh. I could go on and on.


Of course, love is not a level playing field—its terrain is rocky, uncharted and completely unfair.

The beautiful, the smart, the successful, and the young will attract more than their allotment of admirers, while the ugly, the desperate, the “too old,” and the socially unfit for whatever reason are just not going to have the same dating opportunities.

And while women would love to blame the man and say they don’t know when a “real woman is in their face”, the single Nairobi woman is to blame for not knowing what she wants.

It’s about having all of these options, and not knowing how to choose from among them, or whether we even want to.

If there is a real and current plight of the single lady in Nairobi, it is not that Nairobi men are so horrible, it is figuring out how to balance what you want and what you can get—in terms of love, marriage, and what each guy has to offer—against all of the options, including the imminent biological reality of your decreasing fertility.


It’s figuring out if you care about his financial status and social standing that the single Nairobi woman seems to put first above all else.

It is about leaving the clubbing scene and finding love in a sober environment where water and intellect are the common denominator.

It is about a real love connection founded on mutual respect.

Maybe then, you can stop being so alone and miserable in the city of a thousand lights. Maybe then, your inner beauty shall come shining through.

There is a whole market of love-worthy men in the sea that is Nairobi. It is up to the woman to decide what she needs and wants.

Shall love win out, or shall the superficial come first?

Do not get me wrong, it is not illegal to be single, but if you are a single, unhappy woman in Nairobi, it is your fault.



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Maureen Murimi
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