WAMBOYE: How good marriages die
The older I get, I am learning that the death of my marriage is not a far-off thought.
Before you have any indelicate thoughts on the virtue of this author, indulge me a bit farther I pray.
Tragedies in relationships do not happen in a day; they build over time, silently and when they reach their full measure they sting.
Two of the sharpest stings involve poor boundaries with the opposite sex and the deceptions of entertainment.
Marriages marred by them not only bring great hurt but also distort the blessed union that is by far the greatest mirror of the love Christ has for the world.
Lust is no respecter of marriages; if anything, it is a number one enemy.
One of my mentors counsels married couples. He has often told me that he refrains from giving compliments of the physical appearance of women who are not his wife when he meets them alone for the counselling sessions.
The seemingly harmless remark is often the start of a special fondness.
Reading Willard’s book, His Needs Her Needs, the stats may shock you that affairs began through harmless activities ranging from working late and very closely with a member of the opposite sex to playful teasing and touching with friends of the opposite sex.
It is careless moments such as this that the world may scorn and laugh at as being overly cautious.
However, if history has taught marriages something, those foxes that tear down the wall eventually cause terrible heartache in marriage.
And despite what the world seems acceptable, you should ask yourself whether risking your marriage is worth doing what is right in your own eyes.
Be that as it may, remaining faithful and drawing boundaries with the opposite sex is not enough.
One must also resist the urge to pour out their heart to a member of the opposite sex who is not their spouse.
Our hearts follow our treasures, Jesus said in Matthew 6. Inasmuch as you may not be held captive in sin because of clearly drawn boundaries, an emotional affair is just as deathblow to a spouse.
It’s painful when you find out that your spouse has shared intimate conversations that would rather be reserved for the union.
How do we resolve this? For starters, the nonsense in movies and entertainment about a man and a woman being best-friends while they are married to other people needs to get out of your mind.
Lots of stats prove that excessive TV viewing is detrimental to the longevity and romance of a marriage.
The garbage fed in the minds of married men and women may look like mere entertainment at the moment but it mutates to lawsuits and alimony years down the line.
Secular entertainment is constantly provoking men with lewd feminine images that creates competition with their wives’ physical appearances.
And the movies say sublimely that if the wife’s physical looks fall short (and they often do drastically), the men cannot experience real thrill- especially sexually.
The Bible in Proverbs 7 calls such a man a fool. The naive fools watch it and believe it. The fearful fools search for it in hidden habits such as pornography.
The senseless fools go after it and deal a deathblow to a God-given marriage.
The same secular entertainment demonstrates to wives that the men they married need to offer a magical, emotional, Disney spark for them to experience true love.
The naive fools fantasize it. The fearful fools search for it in flirtatious relationships outside their marriage.
The senseless fools abandon a God-given marriage in pursuit of an emotional roller-coaster so that they may “feel” in love.
Beloved, the outcome of both hopeless pursuits for men and women expeditions is regret.
Secular entertainment is always showing low-hanging fruit that is poisonous once you pluck it.
These dangers are with us, Beloved. If we don’t actively guard our unions, we will see them falter and join the statistics of failing marriages.
Hopefully you will agree with my opening statement, that the older I get, I am learning that the death of my marriage is not a far-off thought.
By Ernest Wamboye
Ernest Wamboye is a husband, author, thespian and origami artist. He is the author of two books: The Human Temple, a fictional novel about spiritual warfare and Lust and the City – a guide on sexual purity. Ernest is married to his beautiful wife, Waturi, and they live in Nairobi, Kenya. You can keep up with Ernest on his blog, Pen Strokes (www.ernestwamboye.blogspot.com)
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