5 annoying things women do on dates

Men use dates to gauge women’s potential of becoming their better half’s – and would run away at the slightest irritation.

Although one of these things probably isn’t enough to chase a guy off, I can imagine a combination of two or three of them could easily make Mr Man consider other alternatives.

Here are five annoying things women do on dates:

1. Barely talk

It’s a blind date – you met on Facebook, Tinder or some dating website last Saturday. On his profile photo, he looked like your type of ranger – eye candy, six foot one, muscles, the whole nine yards. You even told your friends he is a copy of Columbus Short – they believed you, they were happy and jealous of you in equal measure. They waited for you to go on a date with him, and of course come back marshaled with gossip.

On the slated date, your eyes land on him picking your call as you try to locate where he is seated at the Villa Rosa. You are discontented; everything is short of your expectation, imagination – he is not Columbus Short.

Since you’d offered to come, you choose to “respect his time.” You take a seat blandly, say a cold “hello,” order the most expensive drink – and then keep mum!

It’s as simple as this, if you aren’t feeling the chief let him know, pick up your tab and get on. Don’t be a hypocrite on the passive aggressive tip because you won’t like it when he does the same thing when it comes to dumping you later on.

Note: If you want to chase a guy off before he even tries anything just clam up and nod without adding much to the conversation.

2. Constant texting

Charity once did this to me. I vow next time another miss pulls this rude behaviour on me; I’ll make sure we split the bill!

I am aware you want to tell your buddy Stephanie that the guy you’re dating is charming, or you just want to update your Facebook status – “Meeting someone special at the Ole Mara Kempinski.”

But, hey there is a time and place – it just comes off as rude; even when you use the “excuse me I have to answer this” it still comes off negatively.

Just say no to texting – an emergency phone call remains an emergency phone call – but on dates, especially when it finds I have taken a loan to fly you to Belarus, then kindly put to sleep that noisy Samsung imitation; it’s just common courtesy.

3. Talk about ex-boyfriends

Now that I said you shouldn’t play dumb or text – so you think it’s right for you to narrate to me how Jack broke your heart or how Romeo was such a genius romantic? Keep it to yourself.

The sins of boyfriends’ past are best left for pillow talk once we commit to you; and we are one hundred and eighty days into the relationship.

A man’s mind is visual and when you talk about Clarence – your ex-lover who had narcissistic personality disorder – using your mirror more than you, we imagine Clarence having sex with you. Even if Clarence was Scumbag Steve calibre of douchebag we still won’t benefit from the information.

You figure us for cavaliers in shining breastplates who will hear your tale of misfortune and reaffirm your good feelings by saying: “you don’t have to worry about that with me, Clarence is such a loser; I would never do that! Shucks!”

Only ducks do that with women they date. A real guy will just imagine jackass getting it on with you. Kindly keep it to yourself girlfriend, at least for now.

4. Greet old friends

Hey, we hate meeting your buddies – even after foregoing all other cute skirts and committing to you for months – so, what makes you think we would want to entertain it from a stranger?

Women who see their buddies out while on a date and invite them to the table or worse yet leave the table to go join them for a few are beyond rude – there’s no English word for them; at least there’s a word for them in Kiswahili – vicheche (pronounce it with the Coastal or Tanzanian accent).

Just don’t do it, the guy sitting there nursing his Martini as his date discusses him with Angela and Clara two tables over has already summed you up to being a bird. He will only stick around in hopes of getting into your panties after dinner.

Simple: Wave to your friends, tell them you will talk to them later and focus on the gentleman of chivalry.

5. Play hint-hint with the bill

Madam, I am aware the dinner bill is on me – I probably visited the ATM way before you put on your make up at home. So what makes you think that shifting uncomfortably, staring at me funnily and clearing your throat will make me know better?

Here is the move, ladies: when the bill is presented give it about a minute. A guy who intends to pay will stop you short from using your money.

You cannot bully a guy into picking up the tab. He knows you won’t be opening your legs after that first date anyway so the threat of no-sex is useless.

Rangers, am I missing any known annoyances?