Four signs he is not the one

Dating is one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. It’s a jungle out there.

A woman is expected to be a model (look drop dead gorgeous all the time), a mind-reading psychic (know who likes you and who doesn’t, who is married and pretending etc), a magician (meet good single men in this Nairobi) and still be financially stable, in a good job and with your life all together!

How is a girl to do all these and still find some time to read a book?

Many times, you settle into what you hope will be a stable relationship with a man who belongs in Mathare Mental Hospital.

Some women date these Mr Wrongs for so long they decide to marry them thinking they will change somewhere in the future.

The best way for women to nip these bad relationships in the bud is to have deal breakers, qualities that if a man has or doesn’t have you simply will not date them.

A popular cliché goes: if you stand for nothing you will fall for everything. That saying rings true in the dating scene.

Have a few realistic qualities that men should have to save yourself the heartbreak and loss of time that is sure to follow when you settle into a relationship with someone you are not compatible with.

Here are a few deal breakers that should show you a man is definitely not the ONE:

1. Poor listener

All women know how irritating it can be to date a Mr Fix-it.

As women we love to share our problems with our spouses. We usually want a man to listen to us, not fix the problem for us.

A man who listens is easy to live with because solving conflicts will also be easy.

Sheridan Kesselman, a renowned family therapist told Huffingpost.com that in her experience, if couples don’t listen to each other, and really hear what their partner is saying, it is a prelude for disaster.

2. Lack of respect

If you have gone to a few dates with your love interest but you notice that every time he speaks to the waiter or the guard at the gate he uses rude language, run!

If a man cannot respect those he considers lower than himself then he cannot respect you.

Another way to tell a man may not respect you is the way he treats his mother. If a man is impolite to the woman who gave birth to him, how much more to you whom he met just recently.

Respect in a relationship comes in the way of giving your spouse or partner space to be themselves. Differences in interest in relationships are common, how you handle the difference is what matters.

Respect can be shown by your new love interest allowing you to watch soap operas even though he cant stand them, or being okay with you going out for drinks with your girls every once in a while.

“Even after two or three dates, if you are really communicating with each other, you should be able to tell if you’re being shown respect,” says Kesselman.

3. Does not show appreciation

Many relationships have bitten the dust over lack of appreciation. For a woman to feel appreciated, a man does not necessarily have to break the bank or sell his kidney, simple gestures that show she is thought of will go a long way in making her feel loved.

If a man comes to see you swinging his empty hands all the time, he may need some training.

Teach him how to buy you a bar of chocolate, or a juice box every time he comes to see you. If you’re the sentimental type, flowers will do the trick.

4. Abusive

Run at the first sign of abuse. Men who are abusive are usually disturbed and need professional help, not girlfriends.

If a man appears possessive after the first few dates and insists on following you everywhere, don’t be fooled, that is not love, it’s called stalking.

If a man is manipulative in any way, steer clear. That one needs a therapist, not you.

Be careful not to throw away a good thing too quickly, some people just need to be told what to do and they become the perfect man.