Man’s responsibilities in marriage


Man’s responsibilities in marriage
Bi Mswafari

Every marriage has guidelines and rules that govern it. Beginning from the couples to the kids. I remember when I was young; my parents disliked the idea of eating at a neighbor’s house; mainly because we could eat somewhere else but refuse home cooked food.

In another instance, my dad could be so mad when he found food not ready in time. The same could apply when dad failed to pay the bills in advance and we ended up in a black out. The entire neighborhood knew something was wrong in our house because of my mother’s yelling.

Generally, Men are the head of the families and the women are supposedly the helpers.  In most cases men have been referred to as ‘lions’; a symbol of authority and audacity.

Bi Mswafari has a word of wisdom to couples concerning men’s responsibilities in marriage:

“A man is the head and the wife the neck. Every man should understand his responsibility for women are just but helpers in the house. For example make sure you settle all the bills including electricity, water and rent.

“Always understand that you are the father of the house. Sit down with your wife and plan the budget. Do not just give a helping hand back to your family while you cannot support your own household.

 It is good to note that a woman can help where necessary.

She advises that if by any chance both the couples are working, then an agreement on the role to be played by each should be discussed.

“Try to please your wife knowing that all the responsibilities in the house belong to you as the head, the wife just helps.

“Do not rush for marriage if at all you do not know your responsibility and do not have the basic necessities like utensils, cookers etc.

Bi Mswafari added that men who are ignorant of their responsibilities are mostly disrespected by both his children and wife.

“There are women who work more than men. In this case, if you are a man, work until the woman gets in her mind that the father of the house is present.

There are men who ask for an out and become reluctant to pay the bill at the end. Such men end up being mean in using their cash later in marriage. Try to figure out the atmosphere of the man previously before marriage to know his character, notice whether he frowns after paying the bill or is at peace.

“Learn each other to understand each other’s weaknesses and work on them. Advise each other, though there are men who dislikes advises from women but keep on trying.

“Other women are wise and can give a working decision to a husband.

“There are men who will tend to help outside but fail to help in his own house. It is good for men to start by helping out their homes then the rest follows.

The wife’s honor is seen only when the man is responsible

Bi Mswafari claims that when you build elsewhere while your own house is breaking to pieces, then you are steaming and not cooked for marriage (watokoka, hujaiva).

“Presents increases love. When a present is given to a woman she will say thank you and that’s where respect and love begins.

“Don’t build elsewhere and your own house is breaking. Show each other that you treasure them. Point out each other’s flaws in order to correct them after noting them; Nyege hunyegezana. Imani ni kutiana (Iron sharpens iron).

She further states that some weird characters in parents may end up being reflected to kids. This makes the children to think otherwise of each other in the family. For example saying so and so is loved more. It might be a character reflected in the kid from one parent leading to divided love between the parents.

Iron sharpens iron

“If you notice the man is stubborn, just assume him and help out with the responsibilities. It is not good to pile up anger because of the husband’s behavior.

“If you are doing something without the consent or help of the husband, do it for the well being of the family but be sure to update him on the progress.

“You can talk to your previous best couples in case of an issue to be solved in the house, parents too can be involved in problems solving the  two of you are facing.

She concludes by saying that before marriage, it’s good to be prepared psychologically and to prepare the wife too that you are always the head of the house.

She calls upon both the women and men to always help at their ability if possible and not to neglect all the responsibilities to their partners.

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Story By Elizabeth Kibor
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