MarriageStory: Stephanie Busari speaks on pressure to wed, imaginary biological clock
Ten years ago I got married. It lasted 3 years and I came away with a beautiful daughter and a heart full of (some) regrets.
Does one mark such an auspicious occasion? Or just quietly acknowledge as one of the hopes and dreams that didn’t quite pan out?
I rarely talk about my personal life, but I speak to so many young women feeling pressure to get married because of an imaginary timeline or a ticking biological clock.
These women feel like Mr Right Now is better than Mr Right, as long as they become a Mrs. Please DON’T do it!
The sadness of an unhappy marriage and home seeps into your soul. It is crushing and turns you into a shell of who you are.
10 years later, and I am still so sad at how miserable I was. My ex-husband was not a bad person, but we were just desperately incompatible.
Even I was surprised we ended up together! Make sure and be doubly sure and be sure again before you say I do.
I got married largely due to pressure. It enveloped me like a cloud.
Every time an embossed handwritten envelope thudded through the letter box ‘inviting the pleasure of my parents company.’
I heard my mother’s heavy sigh, my father’s questioning glances.
Despite all my achievements, I was flying high in my career. I had bought a flat, all before 30, I felt like a failure because I wasn’t married.
Parents have their own timeline for your life. You must create and embrace yours and BE HAPPY with your choices.
I don’t find it easy to be vulnerable and sharing about my marriage was tough.
But the messages from men and women going through the same and who feel a sense of release has been so worth it. We don’t have it all together and that is ok.
Stephanie Busari is the CNN Bureau Chief for Nigeria/West Africa and the founder of TedxBrixton in London
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