MarriageStory: Stephanie Busari speaks on pressure to wed, imaginary biological clock


MarriageStory: Stephanie Busari speaks on pressure to wed, imaginary biological clock
Stephanie Busari is the CNN Bureau Chief for Nigeria/West Africa. PHOTO | COURTESY

Ten years ago I got married. It lasted 3 years and I came away with a beautiful daughter and a heart full of (some) regrets.

Does one mark such an auspicious occasion? Or just quietly acknowledge as one of the hopes and dreams that didn’t quite pan out?

I rarely talk about my personal life, but I speak to so many young women feeling pressure to get married because of an imaginary timeline or a ticking biological clock.

These women feel like Mr Right Now is better than Mr Right, as long as they become a Mrs. Please DON’T do it!

The sadness of an unhappy marriage and home seeps into your soul. It is crushing and turns you into a shell of who you are.

10 years later, and I am still so sad at how miserable I was. My ex-husband was not a bad person, but we were just desperately incompatible.

Even I was surprised we ended up together! Make sure and be doubly sure and be sure again before you say I do.

I got married largely due to pressure. It enveloped me like a cloud.

Every time an embossed handwritten envelope thudded through the letter box ‘inviting the pleasure of my parents company.’

I heard my mother’s heavy sigh, my father’s questioning glances.

Despite all my achievements, I was flying high in my career. I had bought a flat, all before 30, I felt like a failure because I wasn’t married.

Parents have their own timeline for your life. You must create and embrace yours and BE HAPPY with your choices.

I don’t find it easy to be vulnerable and sharing about my marriage was tough.

But the messages from men and women going through the same and who feel a sense of release has been so worth it. We don’t have it all together and that is ok.

Stephanie Busari is the CNN Bureau Chief for Nigeria/West Africa and the founder of TedxBrixton in London  

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