Why I will date your husband

Why I will date your husband
Why I will date your husband

I will date your husband, this is not a threat and I don’t want to worry your pretty little head, make you bite your Sh4000 nails and ruin your Sh45,000 weave.

But I promise you; I will date your husband.

I will date him because he will see me at that joint we occasionally go for lunch, and I will be wearing that lovely yellow dress I wear sometimes.

He will find me enchanting, maybe a little mysterious, what with all the male attention I will be getting and the fact that I don’t seem to notice it.

He will want to know what these people are so taken with?

Especially because I will be looking, as I always do, ordinary!

I will have my hair in a bun, my dress’ hemline will be modest, my makeup will be mild to none, but I will still grab his attention. And hold it.

He will have fought with you all night, and woken up to no breakfast in the morning because you are ‘giving him the silent treatment’.

But none of this will matter, he will have met me and forgotten all about it.

And I will have noticed him from the side of the eye.

“He wears neat clothes, he must be taken care of well, I will think to myself.”

He will be my height, lovely smile, good grooming and married. My type exactly!

He will pretend not to notice me, but I will know he did.

We will do that dance lovers do, it will distract us from our boring lives, for a moment.

Then one day at lunch he will speak to me, then the rest, as they say, will be history.

We will have mad fun, meet in secret, centre a few things in our lives around our secret escapades.

Then he will fall in love with me and ruin it! And that will bore me, so I will drop him like a hot rock.

Then he will crawl back to you, and you will be sitting there, like the devoted wife you are, asking yourself why?

Why did he stray? Was I fat? Do I need to cook better? Is my hair too short/long? etc.

But you will take him back.

Well, let me tell you why…

I will date him because he loves you, every bit of you, even the flaws, but he can’t bear to love like that.

I will date him because he is a coward, if he loves like that he will hurt as much, so he can’t allow himself to love that way.

I will date him because you don’t know how beautiful you are, and how special you are so he will get tired of being second-guessed and look for a distraction.

But most of all, I will date him because he is the kind of man who cheats, and that’s the kind of man I like.

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