Why your girlfriend will dump you

Nothing hurts a man’s pride more than being dumped by a woman he cares about. Unlike women who can bawl to their friends when a relationship comes to an end, men have to suck it up and take it in their stride.

While relationships break for any number of reasons, these are the four common things that have been known to sink the love boat:

Cheating

Being Jack the Lad is a surefire way of quickly being dumped. While some few ladies will forgive a first-time offender, many others have zero-tolerance on men who cannot keep loyal their member.

You would rather dump her via text: “Found someone better and wilder. Wish you well,” than sleeping with mama nguo when memsahib is at work. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and you would be a fool to tempt fate.

Being stingy

Save for your mother, no woman will love you for free. Just the same way men don’t want blatant gold-diggers; no woman wants a man who clips coupons to help her finance her birthday.

Even though women scream about independence, deep down they like to be taken care of. So a man who pinches pennies when it comes to his woman is not going to stick around for long.

So if you want to keep her happy, splurge every now and then. Cut back on drinks with the boys and buy her dinner at a nice restaurant.

Poor Hygiene

Continue wearing that same pair of Nguvu underwear she saw you in the other week, and forgo bathing for four days while shamelessly saying, “Mwanaume ni kunuka jasho.” My friend, you will surely get dumped.

Most women don’t expect you to go all out when it comes to grooming, but you must at least do the bear minimum. Bathe, shower, keep your hair neat and for heaven’s sake splash on some cologne,

Being Mummy’s Boy

While most women appreciate a man who has a good relationship with his mother, that appreciation will soon turn to disdain if she realizes she’s playing second fiddle to your mother.

When you keep calling you mother about every mundane decision in your life, you look immature. Since no woman wants to date a child, she’ll click the eject button.