Why youth resort to violence in relationships-expert

In mid-July a Kisii University student killed his ex-lover from Moi University by stabbing her several times as her roommates watched.

Drawn by the commotion, students living within the hostel rushed to the room and lynched him.

The tragic tale made national headlines as the girl’s friends narrated how the bitter young man attacked his former girlfriend because he could not move on.

Sadly, this is not the first time that love has turned tragic. Over the years, there have been some incidents of lovers turning on each other when they disagree.

Immaturity, drugs and pressure  

Citizen Digital delved into this issue and sought an explanation from Shadrack Kirunga who is the Deputy Dean of Students at Multimedia University.

Mr Kirunga, who is also a relationship counselor, admitted cases of couples taking one another’s lives have been on the rise-especially among the youth.

Mr Kirunga revealed that emotional immaturity as the main reason why young people fail to control their anger when love goes sour.

“Young people are affected more because of lack of emotional immaturity, inability to deal with issues and peer pressure.  Now issues of finances are also cropping up because some students live off each other,” the Deputy Dean said.

Kirunga adds that this financial dependence could be the cause of conflicts in these relationships.

“Whenever there are relational conflicts they are not purely relational.  There could be deeper issues that are involved- maybe finances,” he said.

He added that drug abuse contributes to violence in young relationships.

“Indulging in excessive alcoholism and drugs may impair one’s judgment. Some people have never known the proper way of solving issues. Others grew up in a family where they saw violence, so that is the only way they know to deal with conflicts in a relationship,” explains Kirunga.

What the youth need to do

Mr Kirunga advises young people to get into relationships when they are mature enough to handle the pressures which come with commitment.

He said; “People should commit once they know what relationships entail. In the past, we used to have very clear process of going into relationships. Today it is like a hit and run thing. There is no time to build relationships that are long-lasting.”

According to Kirunga, the problem with rushing into relationships is that you invest a lot into the union before you really know the person.

“After one or two months you discover you don’t like the person, you are tired with the relationship and you want out. The other person feels betrayed when you dump them and he or she might resort to harming you,” he explains

Mr Kirunga advises young people to accept fate when relationships fail. He adds that they should respect the other party’s decisions even when they feel betrayed.

“You do not need to resort to violence. At the end of the day, violence will beget violence. There is no relationship that can be sustained on violence. Respect the right of others. There is going to be more time for relationships in the future,” he advertised.

Mr Kirunga urged the youth to seek counseling services when they are faced with relationship problems.

“Counseling from older people, religious leaders, and professional counselors can help students understand what relationships entail. These people can offer valuable counsel to troubled youth,” he said.

The Deputy Dean also urged parents to be open with their children, and advise them on matters sex, dating and relationships.