Full poem recited by Michael Joseph at Bob Collymore memorial

By Shalton Mann

Safaricom PLC interim Chief Executive Officer (CEO) Michael Joseph on Thursday recited a moving poem in honour of the late Bob Collymore.

Taking to the podium at the All Saints Cathedral (ACK) in Nairobi, Michael stated that he had a prior agreement with Collymore that one of them would read the poem at the other’s funeral or memorial service when the time came.

The Kenya Airways Board Chairman expressed sadness that he was the one who had to read it at Collymore’s memorial, adding that he had lost a close friend and confidant.

Collymore died early Monday morning after a long battle with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) at his Nairobi home and was cremated on Tuesday.

Below is the full poem, titled ‘My Funeral’ as written by Wendy Cope:

I hope I can trust you, friends, not to use our relationship,

As an excuse for an unsolicited ego-trip,

I have seen enough of them at funerals and they make me cross,

At this one, though deceased, I aim to be the boss,

If you are asked to talk about me for five minutes, please do not go on for eight,

There is a strict timetable at the crematorium and nobody wants to be late,

If invited to read a poem, just read the bloody poem,

If requested to sing a song, just sing it, as suggested,

And don’t say anything,

Though I will not be there,

Glancing pointedly at my watch and fixing the speaker with a malevolent stare,

Remember that this was how I always reacted,

When I felt that anybody’s speech, sermon or poetry reading was becoming too protracted,

Yes, I was intolerant, and not always polite,

And if there aren’t many people at my funeral, it will serve me right.