MWANGI: Why I Refuse to be the Other Woman

Our young girls today are fascinated by the idea of being the second wife and because we have witnessed some of our public figures accepting and playing that role all too well, this is what Kenyan girls are looking forward to when they come of age.

I have acquaintances that have been through this and listening to their stories about being the other woman feels like, I wouldn’t say it’s the happiest place to be.

Coincidentally, I’m currently reading Jane Moore’s “The Second Wives Club” and as hilarious a read this novel is, the message is quite clear: Stop settling for second best! Well, while I may not want to pass judgment on personal choices that are clearly none of my business, I will tell you why I refuse to be the other woman.

First and foremost, I refuse to put my live in obvious danger.

While I know the possibility of this happening is one in a million (because wives have been acclimatised to accepting a cheating husband), there is always that one wife who is a wrong number.

Do you remember the story of the Machakos love triangle where a woman, Keziah Wanjiru, hired hit men to kill her rival?

My point exactly! There is also this story that has been doing rounds on the internet about this woman, Dana Vulin, who was forced to wear a mask for 2 years after her face was set on fire by the wife of the man she was seeing.

But this is just the worst case scenario, some would say but I can’t, I just can’t. 

Secondly, I refuse to be labeled with derogatory terms such as “Home-wrecker” or “Mpango wa Kando”.

Maybe am just too proud but the thought of going to sleep at night knowing people refer to me in either of those two terms just irks me.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, society is quite harsh to the other woman. The wife is always respected whether she is the witch her husband claims her to be or not.

So no matter how good of a character I am, I could probably be Mother Teresa, the moment I become the other woman I will be called out, discreetly or out loud.

I may be as smart as Albert Einstein, but as long as I put myself out there as the other woman, I automatically become a mindless bimbo. So, No Thank You!

Thirdly, I refuse to live on borrowed time since we have to work around a fixed schedule because he has obligations to fulfill for his family.

My assumption is as the other woman I will not be seeing this man as often as I’d want to see him.

So, in short, we will have to work around a schedule, which will most certainly be limited.

This means that I have to wait for them to sort their time out for him to give me a signal that he is now ready to spend time with me.

Why do I have to be a scavenger in the relationship? This is just too much frustration and starvation for my poor soul to handle.

Lastly, I refuse to be used as an object to fill the void of whatever this man is not getting from his wife.

I mean why get married if you cannot work hard enough to keep that marriage working.

In this day and age, no two people can be forced to get married if they have no feelings for one another.

So if things seem to be going downhill for you, how about you revisit those feelings you had for each other when you were newlyweds and work things out. Why should I complete another woman?

I love my social life, and in my opinion, agreeing to be the other woman will be committing social suicide.

Not only will I be ignoring what my mother taught me, I will also be lowering all the standards I set for myself just to make someone else happy.

Because as much as I will try convincing myself that I am doing this for myself, the honest truth is that I will be doing it for him.

So what’s the point in being the other woman?

Gathii Mwangi